The other day on twitter someone was talking about how things use to be when we were young. She spoke about how we use to tell people that we like them and, if they said they liked us back, you were together/in a relationship. Once you were in a relationship, you begin trying to get to know the person and you "grew" together. It was real innocent "kid" stuff.
After she spoke of the innocence of our youth, she spoke about "talking". Somewhere along the line, we were introduced to the notion of "talking"... which (I feel) ruined everything; it's the purgatory of relationships. You end up being in the relationship and doing relationship stuff (which includes sex for some) without the title/commitment. She finished up her statements by saying that she was "talking" to someone right now but, if she defined it by the old school definition, she would currently be "in a relationship".
So I started thinking....
Would it be smart to turn around and take it back to the days of being "in a relationship" immediately or is it best to leave things as they are?
One side of me likes today's "talking" phase. Moving too quickly is foolish and could leave you tangled up with a crazy person much longer than necessary if your initial judgement is a bad one. Talking is safe and provides you with an easy escape if you find out the idiot you're dealing with is an idiot. Done properly (and quickly enough), no serious feelings get hurt. No real damage is done. You just snatch it off like a bandaid and keep it moving. Both parties can part ways fairly unscathed - you just stop "talking" to one person and start "talking" to another.
The other side of me hates today's "talking". This is mainly because too many people are getting RUINED by fools who think it's OK to "talk" indefinitely while doing everything that a real relationship entails in addition to "talking" to or "kicking it" with other people at the exact same time. It's more of an "undefined, open relationship". This causes ALL TYPES of hurt, pain, and heartache as people get led on for years; only to find out that the other member of their party has no real intention of settling down with them.
You want a real relationship, so you give it your all. They love the "all" that you are giving them freely, so they take it... but they want no part of that commitment; they're just "talking".
Honestly, I feel like in any case, the "situation" needs to be defined - maybe not immediately, but definitely before you start doing any serious relationship stuff. The part that most our generation is missing is the area in between "talking" and being "in a relationship". This part is the grey area known as "dating" or "courting" (when was the last time you used that word to describe what you were doing?). You see... if "talking" is the "getting to know you" stage, and relationships = "almost, but not quite married", then dating is the in between/transitional piece that links the two. I think it gives just enough extra validity to a situation and says to the person "Congratulations! I'm weeding out the other people in my life that I'm 'talking' to and you are one of the finalist." More people need to define their situations like this so that people will always clearly know where they stand.
In the end, I say "talking" is good... as long it's done with the purpose of growing toward something more clearly defined within a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise, put them in the friend zone and leave them there. Whether or not you give them "benefits" is on you, but don't complain when they introduce you to their friends as their "friend"... I could be wrong, but it makes sense to me...
After she spoke of the innocence of our youth, she spoke about "talking". Somewhere along the line, we were introduced to the notion of "talking"... which (I feel) ruined everything; it's the purgatory of relationships. You end up being in the relationship and doing relationship stuff (which includes sex for some) without the title/commitment. She finished up her statements by saying that she was "talking" to someone right now but, if she defined it by the old school definition, she would currently be "in a relationship".
So I started thinking....
Would it be smart to turn around and take it back to the days of being "in a relationship" immediately or is it best to leave things as they are?
One side of me likes today's "talking" phase. Moving too quickly is foolish and could leave you tangled up with a crazy person much longer than necessary if your initial judgement is a bad one. Talking is safe and provides you with an easy escape if you find out the idiot you're dealing with is an idiot. Done properly (and quickly enough), no serious feelings get hurt. No real damage is done. You just snatch it off like a bandaid and keep it moving. Both parties can part ways fairly unscathed - you just stop "talking" to one person and start "talking" to another.
The other side of me hates today's "talking". This is mainly because too many people are getting RUINED by fools who think it's OK to "talk" indefinitely while doing everything that a real relationship entails in addition to "talking" to or "kicking it" with other people at the exact same time. It's more of an "undefined, open relationship". This causes ALL TYPES of hurt, pain, and heartache as people get led on for years; only to find out that the other member of their party has no real intention of settling down with them.
You want a real relationship, so you give it your all. They love the "all" that you are giving them freely, so they take it... but they want no part of that commitment; they're just "talking".
Honestly, I feel like in any case, the "situation" needs to be defined - maybe not immediately, but definitely before you start doing any serious relationship stuff. The part that most our generation is missing is the area in between "talking" and being "in a relationship". This part is the grey area known as "dating" or "courting" (when was the last time you used that word to describe what you were doing?). You see... if "talking" is the "getting to know you" stage, and relationships = "almost, but not quite married", then dating is the in between/transitional piece that links the two. I think it gives just enough extra validity to a situation and says to the person "Congratulations! I'm weeding out the other people in my life that I'm 'talking' to and you are one of the finalist." More people need to define their situations like this so that people will always clearly know where they stand.
In the end, I say "talking" is good... as long it's done with the purpose of growing toward something more clearly defined within a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise, put them in the friend zone and leave them there. Whether or not you give them "benefits" is on you, but don't complain when they introduce you to their friends as their "friend"... I could be wrong, but it makes sense to me...
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