Are They Interested?

The past few days I've been having conversations with numerous different friends about relationships and one reoccurring theme kept popping up: No one knows exactly how to get into a relationship.

(Sidenote: This story is part two to The Backburner Person)

Gone are the days of passing notes that say "Will you go with me?" We now live in a world clouded with ambiguity and mixed signals; where you can be best friends with the opposite sex, have sex with them on a fairly consistent basis, provide all the emotional support (and sometimes financial) that a girlfriend/boyfriend is supposed to provide and STILL be considered as "the homie." Its absolutely crazy.

I hit the homeboy up the other day to talk some business and, after that was taken care of, we started talking about women we knew... and then the question came out: "I mean, how do get a girl to really like you?" He asked it as kind of a rhetorical question and continued talking... But the crazy thing is, as I listened, I couldn't help but stop and think "Wait... How DO you get a girl to REALLY like you?" We've all been taught to play the game; Wait a few days before you call. Don't seem too anxious. Never sweat the small stuff aka "they ain't call me back as quick as I want them to," etc. We've been taught how to be sexy in an effort to make someone lust after what society deems as "fine." But, while those things may trick someone into gravitating toward you with feelings of infatuation from the need to have the best and most attractive, seemingly uninterested individual on the planet, eventually you have to stop that foolishness, come back to reality, start being yourself (as no one can keep up that "uninterested" act for over 3 months if they really ARE interested), and that person has to deal with the real you - at which point you better either be ready to break up or have some substance and "spectacularness" to your personality and character. The sad part is... Most of us don't. We know how to interact over text and social networks but, in person, we're socially awkward. We might know the words to say to get us to the bedroom for a "monkey smang," but that's it. To be quite frank, most can't hold a deep conversation about anything that doesn't involve the music industry, sports or the latest episode of Single Ladies. In order to have something real, you have to start off real; say what you mean and mean what you say. Honestly, I do think, with confidence, well rounded-ness and the basic ability to express yourself, its easy to get somebody to really like you. The problem is recognizing who they are as they tend to look just like all the people who are playing like they like you...

Which leads us to our next question: How can you tell if someone is cautiously pursuing you, or if you're really on the back burner. Peep the video.

I must say, we were being foolish and that may not have been the best advice but, a person that wants to make a relationship work will reciprocate the effort that you put into the relationship and make a conscious effort to make you comfortable with gradually revealing more and more of your feelings while revealing feelings of their own. Once you have discerned to the best of your ability that the person may have genuine feelings, I think the best thing to do is put all the cards on the table. Tell the person what you want and hope to God they feel the same way. Its the only way to permanently get rid of all the guessing games - and the possibility of ending up as "the homie" aka a "best friend cut buddy" with no official title. Assuming one way or the other could prove to be detrimental.

No comments:

Post a Comment