Recognizing "Good Enough"

So I'm sitting here and I begin to think about this comment I saw on a twitter where this girl was saying that her family was hinting at her needing to "settle down" and how she doesn't want to "settle down" because "settle down" has the word "settle" in it and she doesn't want to settle.  In her eyes, she wants what she wants how she wants it and, if she can't have it that way, she doesn't want anything.  This made me think a bit about the younger people in generation X and the older millennials.

A lot of people that I have come across in that age range have become instilled with this idea of "the one"; this ideal person who we are preordained to be with and obtain perfected marital bliss. This person will have all the money we desire for them to have, they will have the ambition/career path we want them to have, they will have the looks we want them to have, they will have the character and personality that we want them to have, and, above all of that, they will be madly in love with us and give us the best sexual experience we have ever had in our life... for the rest of our lives!  On the day you meet them, it will click; you will hit it off immediately and the rest will be history.  Anything outside of this is settling.

But sometimes I wonder... While I won't ever be with anyone (again) who doesn't bring anything to the table other than their appearance (which tends to deteriorate over time), isn't there a point where you need to recognize "good enough"?  Is the expectation of perfection too extreme?

I've seen so many become absolutely bitter and angry with the opposite sex when the person they're interested in doesn't meet the (unrealistic) expectations that they have their mind. The sad part about it is that their bitter and angry disposition tends to leave them single for an extended period of time... sometimes leading to desperation.... and desperation is dangerous because it often leads to a jacked up situation that will further justify the line of thinking that left them single in the first place.

There has to be a balance.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day and we spoke about how, at a certain age, you must start bending on some of the strict limitations you have set on the people you deem as a person you would date with the intentions of marrying. Let me show you what I mean...

If you were able to go back in time and ask your 16 years old self to name the traits of someone they would want to date with the intentions of marrying, the list might have look a little something like this:

• Must have beautiful face
• Must have an awesome body
• Must be popular/cool/have "swag"
• Must have a lot of money
• Must be able to dress
• Must not have any kids
• Must be a virgin (or at least not over "insert number here")
• The woman must be between the height of 5'2 and 5'8 (or the man must be no shorter than 5'8)
• The woman must not weigh over 165 (or under 170 for men)
• Must be smart (and really, this wasn't at the forefront of many of our minds at all at 16)

Now, there is nothing wrong with that list. Nothing.... except for the fact that most of it is shallow. So you go through heartbreak finding people who meet that specific criteria until you wake up one day and say that prayer to God that sounds a little bit like "God, I don't even care no more... I just want somebody who gone treat me right!" And He gives you that person... but they don't quite match up to that list and you realize that you ain't really mean what you prayed.

I can't advocate giving up, but this list has to be "massaged" to a healthy degree so you won't end up 45 and mad. Therefore, at age 25, the list should probably look a lot more like this (in order of priority):

• Must have a good moral foundation and character (ie: relationship with God)
• Must treat me well
• Must carry themselves in a respectful manner
• Must not be delusional about their own personal issues
• Must be smart
• Must have a legal source of income that affords most of their lifestyle (aka not living well beyond their means)
• Must be attractive to me
• Must be at a "healthy" weight
• Must not have more kids than they can handle/afford

Almost EVERYTHING else can be worked on. This list is not settling; this list covers almost everything in the first list, but does so in a manner that allows flexibility;  It makes room for "good enough"... And "good enough" is something that needs to be recognized.

I could be wrong though...

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