Today I came across this article on yahoo.com. Kinda peaked my interest because this is often a decision between me and my female friends when I try to explain to them that love is a decision and "that feeling" that they think is love, eventually runs out.
This article touches on how men and women in the past would look at marriage as more of an "arrangement"; he's financially and emotionally stable, she is chaste and can cook, together we make a perfect team. WONDER TWINS UNITE!!!
Yeah...
NOW the emphasis is on attraction. Is he or she sexy? Do they give me that bubbly feeling inside? Doesn't matter if he's a responsible, caring, sympathetic man. (In fact the last time I went to the comedy club, the comedian tried to imply that a sensitive caring man was, by default, a homosexual. Crazy.) Doesn't matter if she is supportive, loving, and she can throw down in the kitchen. The mentality now is "If they aren't sexy, I'll pass." They can be broke, jobless, worthless overall as an individual and still be on the top of some one's list of people who they want to marry. "Such and such woulda been perfect if only he had some ambition and a job. I woulda been married by now but I got tired of paying for stuff. But he was perfect." It was what I heard outta female's mouth about how she used to be so in "love" with this guy who had no car, no job, and no drive to even try to do better. It was one of those "Ima just stay at your apartment all day and wait for you. And by the way, bring me something to eat on your way home" type situations. A perfect example of how things have changed. To be honest, I was fool for talking to her too. I'm doing pretty good for myself and she put me and him on the same level. No thanks. Not to say I'm better than anyone but we ain't hanging out in the same room. And while I won't take all the blame, I will say that I sometimes participate in this line of thinking as well. I couldn't call myself any better than she is. My mind didn't always operate right. The broad couldn't cook, her conversation was mediocre at best, and calling her supportive would be doing nothing less than lying. But she did have "the appeal"... I've had good situations in the past that have been perfect on paper that didn't have "the appeal" and they eventually got left alone. What's the balance? I don't know. How do we change it and remove some the superficiality of the situation? Don't know that either.
What I do know is that this change in mentality is the cause of the high divorce rate. Getting married because of a feeling that may go away or an appearance that may fade is a mistake. If the content of their character isn't good, and you don't have an open, honest, FRIENDSHIP to begin with... get ready to be at the courthouse a second time.
But what do I know? I'm just the Journeyman; Talking loud to draw a crowd.
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