Recently a film titled "What's your number" came into theaters. The movie seems to be about a woman who is getting older, maturing, and as a result getting quite uncomfortable with the fact that she has had sex with around 20 different guys over the course of her short life. To my knowledge, it didn't do so well at its opening. But I ain't here to talk about that...
On the article that I found out about the movie on, the author, who mentioned that, according to studies, people still count the number of people they sleep with, is basically saying that people should no longer count their sex partners or be concerned with how high their number is; "sex is a part of dating and numbers don't matter" was basically the mentality at the root of his/her argument. There were many who agreed with the author and just a few (read: one) that disagreed. (Keep in mind that I read this early on yesterday and the comments may have doubled or tripled by now...)
This one person who disagreed took the position of "We should be dating for love and the only way to be sure he/she loves you is marriage." Sadly, she was ridiculed by some of the other posters. Only one person almost sided with her and his approach was along the lines that he was old, had all the fun he wanted to have, and now he was lookin for something a little more meaningful... This is what I want to talk about.
Every "whore-monger" I know, and I know more than a couple who engage in random/casual sex, eventually gets tired of "whoring". Our generation has cheapened sex down to a feeling much like getting high (which it actually kinda is since dopamine is released during sexual acts/orgasms and dopamine is the natural chemical that the street drug known in some circles as "dope" tries to imitate. I digress). So we now live in a society of sex "addicts" who, rather than waiting to at least have some sort of meaningful connection with the person they are sharing their sex organs with, are in constant search of a "fix". If I had to guess, by the gentleman referring to himself as older, I'd say he's probably somewhere in his 40s, as most under that age don't call themselves old. Let's say, for the sake of argument that he possibly lost his virginity as a teenager - 17 is a pretty common age. If somewhere in that general range is true, it would've taken him over 20 years of countless encounters with people he didn't have the emotional connection with that he was looking for before it finally clicked that his behavior was pointless. It's true he's a man and society has given men a double standard in this area, but let's keep in mind that he never mentions marriage - just emotional connection; we're talking about casual vs committed. At a minimum, waiting for a committed relationship and placing some level of standards on who you date would eliminate a lot of the numbers that you would get had you not been casually "kickin it".
I wanna take it a step further tho... If I'm looking at a woman and her numbers are very high, the first question I'm thinking is "Why can't you stay with one person?" I'm asking this in search of personality or character flaws. If you're under 30 and you have 20+ sex partners, you've been doing the most in the last 10-15 years. What's REALLY going on? Immediately after that, the next thought is "If its somebody elses fault, what are you searching for that continues to land you in situations with people who are worthless?" I say "her" cause I'm a guy, but this question applies to BOTH sexes. Think about it, with all that sexual experience, they ought to be pretty good in bed. If sex aint the issue, it would seem like by the time you got to person number ten (in our freaky generation), you would've learned just about all you can learn about sex AND learned who NOT to date to the point where SOMEBODY would want to be with you seriously... unless you're just unstable and crazy...
People know EARLY in most situations if the relationship is gonna work or not. If, after just talking on the phone for a few weeks, you have that "what now" feeling, it may not be a good look for you. You gotta be able to communicate and connect on a friendship level first. The root word of relationship is relate and if you can't do that, why are you screwing that person?
Why are you screwing somebody you don't even like?!?!
That being said, try to keep your numbers low - for your physical health, your mental health, and your emotional health. Nobody wants to be with anybody who has been with everybody... and don't use "gaining/having sexual experience so you can be great in bed with your future husband/wife" as justification for putting yourself out there like that in the present. You can gain a lot of sexual experience without having to use all of your fingers, toes, and some of your eyelashes to count the people you have slept with. Have sex with one person a lot - not a lot of people once. I could see maybe the number 5 kinda sneaking up on you, but honestly... 20 just seems like a bit much. But maybe I'm the only one who feels this way...
On the article that I found out about the movie on, the author, who mentioned that, according to studies, people still count the number of people they sleep with, is basically saying that people should no longer count their sex partners or be concerned with how high their number is; "sex is a part of dating and numbers don't matter" was basically the mentality at the root of his/her argument. There were many who agreed with the author and just a few (read: one) that disagreed. (Keep in mind that I read this early on yesterday and the comments may have doubled or tripled by now...)
This one person who disagreed took the position of "We should be dating for love and the only way to be sure he/she loves you is marriage." Sadly, she was ridiculed by some of the other posters. Only one person almost sided with her and his approach was along the lines that he was old, had all the fun he wanted to have, and now he was lookin for something a little more meaningful... This is what I want to talk about.
Every "whore-monger" I know, and I know more than a couple who engage in random/casual sex, eventually gets tired of "whoring". Our generation has cheapened sex down to a feeling much like getting high (which it actually kinda is since dopamine is released during sexual acts/orgasms and dopamine is the natural chemical that the street drug known in some circles as "dope" tries to imitate. I digress). So we now live in a society of sex "addicts" who, rather than waiting to at least have some sort of meaningful connection with the person they are sharing their sex organs with, are in constant search of a "fix". If I had to guess, by the gentleman referring to himself as older, I'd say he's probably somewhere in his 40s, as most under that age don't call themselves old. Let's say, for the sake of argument that he possibly lost his virginity as a teenager - 17 is a pretty common age. If somewhere in that general range is true, it would've taken him over 20 years of countless encounters with people he didn't have the emotional connection with that he was looking for before it finally clicked that his behavior was pointless. It's true he's a man and society has given men a double standard in this area, but let's keep in mind that he never mentions marriage - just emotional connection; we're talking about casual vs committed. At a minimum, waiting for a committed relationship and placing some level of standards on who you date would eliminate a lot of the numbers that you would get had you not been casually "kickin it".
I wanna take it a step further tho... If I'm looking at a woman and her numbers are very high, the first question I'm thinking is "Why can't you stay with one person?" I'm asking this in search of personality or character flaws. If you're under 30 and you have 20+ sex partners, you've been doing the most in the last 10-15 years. What's REALLY going on? Immediately after that, the next thought is "If its somebody elses fault, what are you searching for that continues to land you in situations with people who are worthless?" I say "her" cause I'm a guy, but this question applies to BOTH sexes. Think about it, with all that sexual experience, they ought to be pretty good in bed. If sex aint the issue, it would seem like by the time you got to person number ten (in our freaky generation), you would've learned just about all you can learn about sex AND learned who NOT to date to the point where SOMEBODY would want to be with you seriously... unless you're just unstable and crazy...
People know EARLY in most situations if the relationship is gonna work or not. If, after just talking on the phone for a few weeks, you have that "what now" feeling, it may not be a good look for you. You gotta be able to communicate and connect on a friendship level first. The root word of relationship is relate and if you can't do that, why are you screwing that person?
Why are you screwing somebody you don't even like?!?!
That being said, try to keep your numbers low - for your physical health, your mental health, and your emotional health. Nobody wants to be with anybody who has been with everybody... and don't use "gaining/having sexual experience so you can be great in bed with your future husband/wife" as justification for putting yourself out there like that in the present. You can gain a lot of sexual experience without having to use all of your fingers, toes, and some of your eyelashes to count the people you have slept with. Have sex with one person a lot - not a lot of people once. I could see maybe the number 5 kinda sneaking up on you, but honestly... 20 just seems like a bit much. But maybe I'm the only one who feels this way...
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